About technology, Isolation, “Internet Feelings”, and Giant Squids.
I turn off the computer, wait half-a-minute, and turn it back on. It starts making a low humming noise, or buzzing maybe. The sound is like when my mom is yelling at me and I turn up my ipod so loud that Morrissey is basically screaming directly into both of my ears. When I turn the computer back on, it takes a little while to get started, and I look out the window, at the red and yellow leaves covering the ground, so many leaves I can’t even see the sidewalk anymore.
As soon as the computer is ready, I turn on aol instant messenger and look at the long skinny grey box to see who is online. I see a name I recognize and send an im:
sunken ships: hello
I wait as the little box under the message says “nikkix2 is typing...” until a reply appears, very quickly and with a corny little sound. I turn the sound on my speakers down to zero.
nikkix2: hey
sunken ships: what’s up
nikkix2: nmmmm hbu
I think for a second, because I really don’t have anything to say. Nothing is up, at all. My stomach feels like a giant squid, all big and underwater and ridiculous.
sunken ships: same
sunken ships: haha
When I type “haha” I make a small little smile like I actually mean it, even though no one can see my because I’m in my room, alone. I feel like a robot if I don’t do this. I wonder for a minute if other people feel this way, if normal people do this exact same thing.
sunken ships: when i type “haha” i smile a little bit
sunken ships: or else i feel like a robot
sunken ships: how about you J
nikkix2: not really XD
I feel like I’m even weirder than I felt like I was before. It feels like the giant squid in my stomach just exploded in on itself, releasing ink and squid guts everywhere. After the debris from the explosion clears I feel like I am the only human being left on the ocean floor. I sign off of aol instant messenger, close the little grey box, and look out my window. I walk quietly out of my room, and down the stairs.
Michael Doherty is a sixteen year old poet and is currently finishing high school. He lives in Albany, New York. He likes sweaters so much he wears them even in the summer. He is vegan and plans on attending college in New York City. He once won a creative writing contest he had to lie about his age to enter. He is officially one of Tao Lin's interns. His major literary influences include Hart Crane and Max Jacob. He thinks that you are beautiful.